In My Words: My Last Chance

I remember it like it was yesterday.  Roughly twenty minutes had passed since the Colorado Eagles had defeated us in overtime of Game 7 of the Western Conference Finals to advance to the 2018 Kelly Cup Finals. We had a 3-1 lead in the third period and they rallied back to force extra time and defeat us.  My teammates and I were all still in our equipment, sitting there in the locker room in silence, stunned at what had just happened.  We knew we weren’t going to be able to keep the same roster together in the future for another chance at success.  I just remember sitting there, thinking ‘That was my last chance.’

Last season was different than any other one in my professional career.  I’ve had some amazing teammates over the years.  No offense to any of them, but I’ve never been on a team that was as close as my Komets teammates and I were last year. We had so many guys that were bought in to the goal of winning a Kelly Cup together. We worked hard over the last few years to develop a good foundation and a strong culture, and talented players took note of that.  Players wanted to come to Fort Wayne to have a chance to win a Kelly Cup.  We had so much skill throughout the team, we never lost confidence at any point in the season.

Up until last season, I had spent my entire hockey career in North America, but I had been debating going to play in Europe for several years.  I’ve had European teams reach out to me for a while about signing over there, but the timing never felt right to do so.  I had so much confidence in my Komets teammates last year. All year I thought we were going to win the Kelly Cup. I told myself that if we won a championship, I’d feel comfortable with my decision to go to Europe at this point in my career.  I’d have zero regrets about my career because all I hoped for was to win a championship in Fort Wayne.  I had already had my mind kind of made up about going over to try Europe.  Knowing that I was so close to the Kelly Cup Finals but didn’t make it, that was the hardest part for me.  I think I knew for sure a couple days after the Game 7 loss.  I talked to a couple guys on the team and figured that a lot of talented players were planning to play elsewhere.  I thought it would be tough not to try Europe myself; I’ve had people tell me for a couple years that I should go try it. 

It’s funny to think about how I feel about Fort Wayne now compared to when I first arrived during the 2013-14 season.  I had been playing with Rochester in the AHL and was on the last year of an NHL contract with the Buffalo Sabres. It’s disappointing any time that you get sent down, but I didn’t know much about Fort Wayne or what to expect. I knew a few guys who had played there before and got the expectation it was a very small town.  It’s safe to say that because I was getting sent down, I didn’t have the most favorable initial impression towards Fort Wayne.  

But I’ve learned so much about the small town since I’ve had the chance to play here over the last six seasons.  Simply put, hockey is appreciated.  Komets fans are unreal – they’re so passionate and loud at every game, it gets all of us going.  To hear how loud the building gets when we score a goal, it’s unbelievable.  The organization treats all of us and our families as an extension of theirs – and I can’t say enough about how much that means.  On top of that, my family is in Detroit, just a three hour drive away from Fort Wayne, so it’s been a great place for me to play, to allow them to come watch so many games. 

Everyone talks about age in hockey, and of course it’s getting to be a younger game.  But I’ve noticed I feel more confident every year, and I truly believe that confidence in any sport is the biggest thing.  If you don’t have any confidence, your physical ability isn’t going to match what you know it is, so that has a lot do with the success of our organization as well.  We’ve had really good teams and good players in Fort Wayne.  My teammates have helped me to produce.  Our coach, Gary Graham, has given me every opportunity and believed in me in every situation.  The faith the organization has in me to produce, and the opportunities they’ve given me to do so, have allowed me to play the way I’ve needed to.

I spoke to several players who had success in the US and went to play in Europe. They all told me I could get a good opportunity to play in Europe, and as they pointed out, I needed to at least just try it.  If it wasn’t for me, then it wasn’t for me, but it wouldn’t hurt to try.  Once I kind of made my mind up to try it, I had to narrow down the best place and organization for me to play for. After working with my agent on this, I felt that Frisk Asker would be the best organization for me. 

Frisk Asker is a team that plays in Asker, Norway, and is a member of the GET-ligaen League, organized by the Norwegian Ice Hockey Association.  The organization had been interested in me for a few years, so I felt confident with their motivation to have me on the team.  My Komets teammate, Garrett Thompson, had signed there as well – so I knew I’d have a good friend and good teammate in him.  Additionally, Kyle Bonis had signed with Frisk Asker.  I was familiar with how good of a player he was from playing against him in Toledo, so I thought the idea of having him as a teammate would be another positive.

So I made my decision and on my birthday, August 5, Garrett Thompson and I flew from Detroit to Amsterdam, then Amsterdam to Oslo, Norway.  

I remember feeling a mix of emotions when we landed.  Tired, of course, from the eleven hour trip.  Excited at the opportunity that laid ahead of me.  And nervous, for sure. Had I made the right decision to come to Norway to continue my career?

Norway is an absolutely gorgeous country.  Even our drive from the airport to the apartment I lived in was unbelievable – I was blown away from the get go.  I had my own apartment in the town of Nesbru, a small village outside of Asker.  The people of Norway were amazing – they were the nicest people I’d ever experienced.  Though I knew I was far from the comforts of home and what I knew up to that point, I was excited at the new opportunity and what was ahead of me in my beautiful new country.

The game of hockey in Europe is different from what I was used to, but in talking to some players who had played there previously, I somewhat knew what to expect.  The European game is a lot faster and a lot less physical than what I’m typically used to.  Every one of the Norwegian players I played with is skilled and can skate, so it was a fast paced game.  But a surprise to me came when I arrived there and was told that you’re not allowed to fight in the GET-ligaen League. I wouldn’t say I’m known for fighting often, but it is a part of my game to a certain extent, so I was surprised when I was informed of this.

Well, I lasted eleven games before an opposing player chirped me a little too much in front of the net, and we went at it. So while I was going through this ‘first’ of playing professionally in Europe, I also went through another ‘first’ in that I got my first ever professional hockey suspension.  Yep, you read that right.  Eight seasons professionally to that point and I had never been suspended until that 11th game in Norway.  I play a tough game but I’m not a dirty player. I took pride that I was never suspended.  I guess I can still say I’ve never been suspended in North America (take it easy on me, ECHL Hockey Operations Department!).

So the country was beautiful, the game was a bit different but I was adjusting, however there were some things that I hadn’t prepared for when doing my research on playing in Europe.  Hockey isn’t as big in Norway as it is in Sweden and Finland.  Like I said earlier, playing in Fort Wayne, we receive an incredible amount of community support.  In Norway, the home rink only fit around 2,500 people and there were nights that under a thousand people showed up for the game.  That’s quite a difference from getting acclimated to playing in front of 7,500 fans every night.  I found myself yearning for the small town Indiana I previously had predisposed negative thoughts about.  So that was one of the differences I wasn’t ready for.

Another thing is the difference in game numbers. I’m used to playing 70+ games a season, whereas in Norway there’s only 48 total games in the regular season.  There was a lot of down time in between games, and there’s not a ton to do on your days off. In North America, I’m used to hanging out with my teammates all the time- that wasn’t as much the case in Norway.  I missed my family in Detroit and my girlfriend in Fort Wayne more than I anticipated.  They’re all so dedicated to my career, and I’ve been lucky for them to attend so many of my games. 

I loved the city in Norway and my teammates, call it the perfect storm if you will, but as these emotions started to get stronger, coupled with having to serve my first ever suspension, I think it became clear me to pretty quick that I wanted to return back to that small town Indiana I was so nervous about being sent down to five seasons ago.

I reached out to Komets captain Jamie Schaafsma and started expressing to him where my head was.  I was lucky enough that the organization was able to make things happen quickly so I was able to return where I belonged – in a black and orange sweater in front of those amazing fans.  While I’m happy I got the chance to experience playing in Europe, albeit shorter than I had anticipated, deep down in my gut I knew where I belonged. 

I hope the Komet fans know how much I appreciate their support – and my goal of winning a championship for the city hasn’t changed.  So I guess, when I think back to late last May, it wasn’t my last chance at all.  And when I think about the future,  I’m at a point where I’ve accomplished enough personally, all I want to do is help a team win a  championship.